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How to Talk to Kids About War

Posted February 2nd, 2007 by Josh

Talking to kids about war and terrorism has to be one of the hardest tasks any parent must take on. Hard, because no parent wants to explain to their child why people kill other people. But in this time of war and unrest, it seems a necessary evil. While the goings-on in Iraq seem to have mildly subsided, we still have many men and women in the armed services overseas, many of them fathers and mothers. Both the National Center for Children Exposed to Violence (NCCEV) and the Department of Defense’s (DOD) Healthy Parenting Initiative have published helpful tips on their websites (listed below). Tips about talking to your child about war in general, talking to your child while a parent is away fighting a war, and talking to your child about the return of a parent fighting a war.

While a parent is away, the Department of Defense lists these tips for talking with your child:
Take time to talk—and listen!: Your children need to be told what is happening. This will give them time to think about the deployment, begin to accept it, and get used to their feelings about the reunion to come.
Share information with your children: Be open and honest with them
Encourage your children to talk about feelings: Talking about feelings will help to relieve their worries and will help you know what they need.
Reassure your children: Tell your children that they are safe and cared for while their deployed parent is away.

For a returning parent, these tips may help:
Take time to talk—and listen! Be available whenever your children want to talk.
Encourage your children to talk about their feelings: Be aware of your own emotional reactions around your children and do not rely on them for emotional support.
Remind your children to be patient: Talk about how it may take time for everyone to adjust to being a family again.
Help your children tell the returning parent about life at home: Ask them to find pictures, books, homework, artwork and other things to show the returning parent.

For talking to your child about war in general, some things should be taken into consideration, like the fact that your child may not seem bothered by the war, or that they don’t seem to want to talk about the war. The NCCEV suggests that, though they may not want to talk about it, don’t force it, but make it very clear to your child that if they do want to talk, you will be available for them. Don’t be afraid to seek help and support from other adults when addressing this issue to children, this is a difficult and stressful topic for both you and your child.

    Some reactions you may notice from your child are:
  • Irritability or difficulty in being calmed
  • Sadness, talking about scary ideas or feelings
  • Anger directed towards certain ethnic groups
  • Fighting with peers, parents or other adults
  • Changes in sleep patterns or nightmares
  • Wanting to stay close to parents
  • Physical complaints such as stomach or headaches or changes in toilet habit.

Watching too much television war coverage can be harmful to your child, especially when graphic images are shown. Be sure to monitor how much of this is viewed. Pre-school and younger children will be especially worried the more they hear and see. Older children may be interested in watching the coverage, but be sure to watch it with them so you can talk about what you saw and heard.